mini vacay

wednesday night, i left the city for the first time in nearly a year. and where did i go? exotic wayne, nj.

highlights of the adventure included walking down the side of the highway with seth from the willowbrook mall to a ramada we had a vague idea of the directions to and passing a billboard about spaggetti trees. actors obsessed with guitar hero. actually enjoying flight of the conchords with seth, rather than just emailing him the music videos. helping load in and out of a theater. and watching a children's theater show i actually liked.

i was invited to ride along in the van to their next stop in connecticut. so i did, and was initiated into the company through mind and word games. that was probably the best van ride through a snow storm ever...it was even punctuated with chunks of ice and snow falling off the roof of the van and smashing on the hood of the vehicle, scaring the shit out of us. fun, fun. i was told that i fit in like i had been part of the company since the beginning of the tour. that's pretty awesome.

so what do i do when i actually have time off and a place outside of nyc to go? more theater. :)

in my dreams...

i had a weird dream this morning in between the first time i woke up and now. i dreamt that i was on tour with dai and we went in to this supermarket. it's was an interesting space, completely underground in an older building and had lots of big, spacious rooms. at some point i realized they left me behind and i tried to catch up with them, but came to this room that was flooded. i think i was barefoot because i didn't want to walk through the water so i got in this shopping cart and used it almost as a raft. then this guy who worked in the store (complete with the white butchers coat and everything) tried to help me get out, but as we got to the main entrance this huge crowd of celebrities were coming down. it seemed totally reasonable that they'd be having some big party in the grocery store. all i could do was stand to the side, wrapped in a blanket and watch the people go by. i saw drew barrymore, julianne moore, and lucy liu. and while i was standing there waiting, all i could think about was where i could leave postcards for my show so that someone would see them.

i think i need a break or a weekend or something. a day off would be nice.

history in the making...

you know what it's like when you have so much to say but can't articulate it? that's how i feel right now. so much has gone on in the last few days, but i can't seem to express it in any cohesive way. and i'm honestly so tired that i'm not sure if any of this will make sense.

i've survived tech week and my show has it's first preview tomorrow. i'm sleep deprived, sick, and excited. and not just about my show.

local 1, the stage hands union and the largest and most powerful union in the industry, went on strike two days ago. it doesn't effect my show, so to speak, because i'm working on an off-broadway show and our stage hands are in a different union. i find this all thrilling and so important. and i've tried discussing these events with a few friends who are in the industry (but more off-off broadway) and their lack of knowledge and interest is upsetting.

these events impact theater at all levels, locally and internationally. and the longer the strike goes on, the greater the impact on off-and off-off broadway. the effects were already seen the first day of the strike. forbidden broadway, the show i'm sharing a venue with, has not sold tickets to the balcony in quite a while. they usually have just enough for the orchestra. both of their shows sold out yesterday.

the strike has been a constant topic of conversation for my coworkers and i. my boss seems to think that if they can't resolve it by tuesday (in order to save the two shows on wednesday), or if they can't resolve it by friday (in order to save the weekend shows), it could go on for quite a while. there's so much money on either side in strike funds that it is totally a possibility that broadway could be dark until the holiday season. if the strike lasted until thanksgiving, it would mean tremendous things for my show!

with all this excitement going on, i wanted to write an informative blog about the strike and the two sides and my take on all of it. i even talked to a few picketers and took their flyers. but then as i was talking to more and more friends of mine, i was struck by their lack of knowledge or care about the topic. granted, knowing this stuff is a bit more my job now than it was when i had a day job that wasn't theater, but i don't think i was completely uninformed. how can you expect to succeed in this (or any) business if you know nothing about it???

some may find it odd that these recent events excite me so much. besides the idea that i'm living through history, i also have begun to feel like part of a bigger whole (and it's been a long time since i've felt that way). i am part of this industry. i have an effect. so does my show. i wanted to be an actress so that i could inspire someone like i was inspired. and although i'm not on stage right now, i'm still able to do that. i am part of the industry that makes people's dreams reality. i don't know how i landed here, but i know i want to stay.

the show must go on

tomorrow i start my new company management job for dai. i am both excited and terrified. my boss has yet to provide me with a show schedule, so i decided to look it up on the website and was a little shocked.

i knew i would probably not be able to go home to bahrain for christmas because of the show schedule. i accepted that. this year will be the first christmas i spend in america since 1982. i figured that even though i wouldn't be able to get time off to go back, i'd at least get the day off. nope. i don't care about having to work on thanksgiving because, oddly enough, the holiday hasn't meant that much to me since i was in college and would organize the dinners for the students who couldn't go home for the holidays.

but christmas is different. according to my schedule, we have at least one show a day from december 21st to january 8th. 19 days straight without a day off. i've done that before, too, for both nymf and don't quit, but that wasn't over the holidays.

yep, i asked for this...the shitty schedule, the crazy hours, the egos...the job in professional theater...i know i'll love it once i get started, but this is just a bummer.

i did it!

on october 5th it was a year since i left corcoran. the first week of november will be a year since i left corporate america to pursue a full-time career in theater.

and today i succeeded in doing what i set out to do. yes, i've been making money from theater for a while now, but either the money was terrible or they've been piece-meal jobs or doing things i didn't really want to do.

today i was hired as company manager for a show called dai (enough). it's a thought provoking, political piece of theater with a message (not just crappy commercial fluff). and although it's just a limited run until march, the money is decent.

the job was pretty much handed to me. bess, a company manager i worked with at rci, has been working with the producer and when he was looking for someone, she suggested me...and only me. she called me for my resume and basically he had already decided to hire me before he sat down to our sushi lunch today. that's right, he bought me sushi at a swanky restaurant. :)

i am both elated and terrified. i'm scared i'll be in over my head. but no way to know except take the plunge.

taking that first step was so hard for me before, but i've achieved my goal in 11 months.

ooops...nearly

this morning it was so difficult to wake up...i stumbled into my kitchen in my sleepy haze, got a bowl of cereal and went back to my room to eat and read emails. as i took my empty bowl back to the sink, i got a whiff of gas. for a second i thought i was imagining it. why would i be smelling gas? i didn't even cook last night. but as i stood there, i knew what i was smelling. i looked at my stove and felt it. i don't know why i'd think it was warm, but i checked anyway. then i noticed that one of the nobs was turned, almost to the "light" setting.

i'd like to think i brushed it when i was getting my breakfast this morning, but i know that i was nowhere near the stove. which means i either brushed against it last night when i got home and it had been going all night or it's been like that since friday night, which was the last time i cooked.

i've never had something like this happen before, but i have no one to blame but myself (since i'm sans roommate).

i cracked my glass door and am letting my apartment air out. it should be fine by the time i get home tonight. good thing i'm not a smoker, eh?

the story of the gold lamee skirt

i've felt that my blogs lately have become very one-note...they're all "yay job this" or "oh no job that." i swear after october 7th, i'll at least have something more in my life than musicals 24/7...and i should, in theory, have more of a social life because i won't have the insane schedule, so let's hang out people! but in the mean time, a non-job related blog post...

i had to buy a new futon mattress. it's the same one that i got it with, and i got the futon second hand. it was almost completely flattened and very uncomfortable. i found a fairly cheap one so had it scheduled to be delivered today between 12 and 4. of course they came as close to 4 as humanly possible.
hatim decided to come over to keep me company while i waited and at some point i was showing him this gold skirt that i bought for a costume in hurt so good but decided not to use. at that moment the delivery guys called my cell phone to let me know they'd be there very soon.
so hatim gets this bizarre idea that i need to wear the gold skirt when they deliver the mattress. he told me he'd buy me coffee if i did it, so i said ok. i put the skirt on and all of a sudden he was telling me i had to bend over in front of them, etc. and i refused. it was already bad enough that i was wearing this stupid gold skirt with a green day tshirt.
so the guys come with the mattress and you could see that they were visibly flustered. they were probably thinking "fucking hipsters and the way they dress." and i actually had to bend over in front of them to get a pen. they were trying so hard not to look at the skirt, but i must admit that it's really hard not to look at it...i would probably be staring if it wasn't me in the skirt. it was a very uncomfortable situation and they got out of there as quickly as possible. the highlight was probably me trying to adjust the futon and mattress while still in the skirt and trying to keep it from riding up.
i'm such a whore! all of that just for a coffee (i actually made sure to get a dirty chai...a whole dollar more expensive). for some reason hatim knows how to challenge me to do things that i'd never do...like see the movie 28 weeks later...or take pictures of me growling at the camera while still in the skirt and on the mattress. no, you can't see those pictures, but you can see this one...

overwhelmed

today i got two phone calls about potential jobs. not for jobs i've applied to but from people i've worked with who have heard about things or have been approached about positions and have thought of me. and they're good jobs. i don't want to jinx anything but i'm a bit excited.

oh, and creatively my brain is working too...i think i may have just passed the blocker on my play. :)

yay for days off!

"time flies like an arrow..."

i had a bit of down time between shows today, so i took a look at my schedule, and i estimated the number of hours i worked during the first week of the festival. 76. it's kind of frightening when you actually put a number to it. and that doesn't include hurt so good rehearsals, etc.

i suddenly feel better and justified as to why it feels like most of my life is in shambles now. and why i've been so tired.

but in better news, i have wednesday off. woooo!

blast from the past

i got 9 hours of sleep last night, but i'm still tired. i think i need a whole day off to actually feel refreshed. just 2 more days until i get my first day off in more than 2 weeks!

on another note, the producer of the show that is currently playing in my theater was one of my residents my first year as an r.a. boy does that make me feel old! he recognized me before i recognized him. it's really such a small world. some of his guests in the show were also some of my residents, and one of them, elizabeth, recognized me. i asked her how she was doing and she said "great, thanks to you." it's nice to be remembered and to know that i made a difference in someone's life.
that year was my hell year with my residents and i felt like i could have been a much, much better ra, but it's still nice to hear that i wasn't a complete fuck up with them.

musicals

musicals have taken over my life...

i was alway the one to tell people to stop singing show tunes, but now i can't get them out of my head. at least the ones i'm singing are funny and riddled with profanity or slightly emo rock.

working for nymf has gotten me thinking about my play again...you know the one...the one that i was so close to completing and then i stopped because i didn't know how it should end. well, now i know how it should end, i just don't know how to get there. and in my ideal world, i found my musical collaborator. first, he's won an obie, so it's always to have that name recognition. ;) and i can't get his music out of my head. if they had a cd, i'd buy it in a heart beat. the music for his show is amazing...but the script has a bit to be desired (which is perfect in my case). AND when he's not doing theater, he fronts a glam rock band. which is exactly what i need for my show!

i'm friendly with him, but not FRIENDS...now, how do i get him to want to keep in contact with me so that at some point in the future i can show him my script and make him want to write the songs and score???? i don't want to just show him my script now and let him run away with my idea and go off and do his own show with the same concept and win another obie.

workaholic

i've always wanted to do it all...and i'm trying to do it again.

i decided to take both jobs.

three days a week, i'm working at a lighting and sound production company, although i think he eventually wants me to work there full time. the job is pretty easy and normally i'd be happy to work there full time, but the reverse commute to long island is a bitch. we'll see how it goes and if i get used to the commuting, otherwise i may have to look elsewhere. i just don't want to piss off my boss, though, since he offered me the job just based on our limited contact when i was working on don't quit.

and as of september 17th, i'll be box office manager for the new york musical theater festival. i'm pretty excited about that. it'll give me a nice reprieve from the long commute. and my venue is the has the only musical with full frontal male and female nudity (they're washing blood off each other in a bathtub) and die hard: the sock puppet musical.

and i'm still working on hurt so good.

i don't know how to not overschedule myself. i'm hoping with these jobs to make good connections as well as a bit of cash. i eventually do want something more stable, but i feel like i haven't found the right job to settle in just yet.

how different i am from a year ago when i was working a miserable job that i just stayed put in rather than venture out to find something to make me happy...now i feel like i almost have career a.d.d.

...or that...an update

my interview yesterday went really well, although it was a bit weird because it was a group interview. they said they'd let me know by tuesday.

and the interview today went so well that they offered me the job on the spot. i told them that i was waiting to hear about another offer, and they still said that they would like me to come in on tuesday on a temporary/part-time basis. if i work out, they'll bump it up to full time and a higher pay range. why am i hesitant? because this is the job on long island.

i'm not going to lie, i do need the money. but i still want to hold on in case some of the other places i've applied (blue man group, the public theater) call me. what do i do? take the job but give it a while before i settle in? i don't want to leave these guys hanging, but it also seems like they need someone pretty immediately. and the money can't hurt, right? but still...it's LONG ISLAND.

this or that...

i have two job interviews in the next two days. this is what i want and need...so why am i so apprehensive?

neither position is ideal. one would require commuting to long island and the other is with a festival; so the position isn't permanent.

i guess i'm just scared that i'll accept something and miss my golden opportunity or something.

bunny pirate!

yesterday while i was walking up bedford avenue, i noticed a commotion going on across the street. i took my earphones out to hear what was going on and then noticed that a man was hopping down the sidewalk and shouting "i'm bunny pirate!" to groups of people.
he was wearing the head piece from an easter bunny outfit, an eye patch, red sweatpants with novelty boxers over it (the boxers had a plastic ass attached to the back), and an american flag as a cape. on one hand he had a blue boxing glove; in the other he had a giant floppy heart on a stick.
i was more than amused and watched him accost groups of people trying to ignore him. if i was with someone, i may have risked letting him hop up to me just to see what he'd do. but, unfortunately, i was on my way somewhere and didn't want to risk it.
then today, i saw these posters up on the light poles!



some days i REALLY love my neighborhood!

essay

i'm applying for a job at...well, i don't want to jinx it, but anyway, it's a place i've always wanted to work for. and they want me to write a 500 word essay on my goals, experience and education and how it has helped me thus far.

i haven't had to write an essay since 2002. i haven't had to write an essay about myself since i applied to colleges...last century. a history paper is easy. you have themes, events you can talk about. but an essay about yourself is fucking hard.

and it's for a finance position, anyway. i don't expect i'd be writing a lot of essays in between doing the reconciliation reports and doing the theater payroll.

i mean, all i really want to say is that i just want a paying, theater related job that is stable and pays me enough so that i won't have to skip meals. but somehow i don't think they'd go for that.

i think it's time for a break from the job search.

coney island/bouncing souls

yesterday hatim and i went down to coney island to see the bouncing souls.

i’ve been a fan of their’s for a long time, but never had a chance to see them live. all six nights they played at the knitting factory last year were sold out the week they went on sale (or something ridiculous like that). but it was worth the wait. i couldn’t have asked for a better first time seeing a band.

our tickets included a "fun pass" that would allow us to ride the rides at astroland for free. the weather was kind of threatening, so alot of the rides were shutting down for fear of rain. they gave us $10 of our tickets back to us, so we went around spending it on what we could. we rode the wonderwheel and dante’s inferno and played a lot of skee ball. then we walked around on the beach and boardwalk. i wanted to see the freak show, but both that and the coney island museum were closed because it was monday. i did notice and think it was odd that in the same building that housed the coney museum and freak show had an army recruiting office in it.




i didn’t mind that a lot of the things were closed. it gave us a more interesting perspective. the weather set a very different kind of mood for the trip. it started getting colder and after a while we saw all that was open, so we ate some questionable food at ruby’s bar and grill, next door to cha cha’s, where we would be seeing the concert.



after a while we didn’t know what else to do besides go to cha cha's and start drinking. and drink i did. we tried the coney island ale that tasted like real carney! and nothing says class like plastic cups.







the first band to go on was static radio nj. i noticed that the drummer was a guy i accidentally hit in the crotch earlier that evening with a bar stool. heh. they were alright, not really my thing though. then another band was supposed to play. i wasn't really paying attention when the next band went on. but as they started to play, i turned to hatim and said "who are these guys? they sound like the bouncing souls." and he said "they are the bouncing souls you moron."


we pushed forward so i could actually see the stage and i ended up on the edge of the mosh pit pushing people back in. after that, it's all kind of a blur. i couldn't tell you everything that was played, but i know i heard the majority of everything i could have wanted to hear. i was in the pit, on the side...at one point hatim and i got separated and i ended up in the front row. i got to pound fists with the bassist, bryan, and there was some guy...my bouncing soul mate (haha)...who kept an eye on me and more than once kept me from getting trampled or knocked over. i tried to find him after the show to say thanks, but i didn't know where he went.


after the show, hatim and i were dripping with our sweat, other people's sweat, and beer. i was glowing. the crowd was disbursing, but i didn't want to leave. i had another beer and this guy that i had been talking to earlier...a bar regular went up to pete, the guitarist and told him i wanted to take a picture with him. it was awesome.



when i got home, i surveyed the damage. my white shoes are now black. i'm going to try throwing them in the washer to see if they get any better. hatim and i both stank of sweat and beer. this morning the shirt i bought at the merch table was still wet. i've got bruises forming on both forearms and i have difficulty putting weight on my right ankle. my body hurts, but i'm still giggling about last night. this blog entry just doesn't do it justice. yesterday was one of the best days i've had for a long, long time and i'm still basking in that happiness. and even though i know it won't be like my first time, i can't wait to see these guys play again.

the book i am...

interesting...

You're Mrs. Dalloway!

by Virginia Woolf

Your life seems utterly bland and normal to the casual observer, but
inside you are churning with a million tensions and worries. The company you surround
yourself with may be shallow, but their effects upon your reality are tremendously deep.
To stay above water, you must try to act like nothing's wrong, but you know that the
truth is catching up with you. You're not crazy, you're just a little unwell. But no
doctor can help you now.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

job offer

when jeromy and i were discussing my leaving rci and working at ha!, he gave me this speech about how one thing leads to another and who knows where working at ha! would lead me. i know he felt bad about telling me i was losing my job, but i also kind of do believe it. i really do believe everything happens for a reason.

and now as my time at ha! comes to a close, i was beginning to think that my working there was just a waste of time. that nothing has come out of it besides making my resume look a little more interesting...then glenn walked in to ha! today. he rented the sound equipment and did the sound and lighting design for don't quit. he and i got along quite well during the limited contact we had.

well, he offered me a job today in his office. he said it could be part time and we didn't really discuss the specifics because my boss walked up. but the draw back i'd have to travel somewhere on long island. he and i exchanged numbers and the more i think about it, the more i think i should call him. i initially was just going to pass it off, but it could lead to something. and it is money. it would just have to be enough money to make my traveling on the lirr worth it. regardless, i should call him and get more info...

so should i call him tomorrow or should i wait a day and call him wednesday?

who would have thought the theater girl who has never run a light board could end up working in a light/sound design/rental office???

dead head

it's been quite a while since i've remembered a dream of mine...until last night. and last night's was crazy.

the first part of my dream that i remember is that there were a whole bunch of us in some institutional type building, like a high school or something. it was a hostage situation and we were all in different rooms, with a gun man walking the halls and checking in on us. we had all been given tasks to do and everyone was doing them except this one guy, who i think had just given up and he was being very loud about not doing what he was told. the gunman shot at him, but didn't hit him. i don't know why he didn't kill him.

in his rage the gunman came over to my room and started yelling at me. i got down on the floor with my hands over the back of my head. i was laying face down. then i heard and felt him shoot me. things got black and kind of fuzzy, but i knew he shot me and that i was dead. then i began to question whether or not i was dead because i was still conscious. i got up and it took me a while to figure out to see. i started to panic because i thought that i must definitely be alive and just brain damaged. but after a while i figured out how i could see. then i touched my forehead and felt the exit wound. i was dead. and a ghost. but i could still feel pain. i was conscious of the pain in my head throughout the entire dream.

this is where the rest of the dream gets choppy...i went out to find my friends so they could help me figure out why i was still around. of the people i spoke with, only one i recognized from real life, and that was bob. some of them could see me and some of them couldn't. sometimes people who didn't even know me could see me and interact with me, some without realizing that i was a ghost. at one point during the dream i was at a parking garage in the east village trying to convince the guy to let me park my car there because i had a regular spot that had expired. we argued for a while and then i walked away and bob handled it. then the guy asked bob if i was alright because i had a bit of blood on my forehead. that was when it dawned on me that my head wound that i always felt might be visible to everyone. it was, but i guess just in different degrees. bob said he saw the whole extent of it. and when i put my hands up to touch it, it was there as if it were a fresh wound. but others only saw aspects of it. i remember wishing multiple times in the dream that i had died some other way and that my wound wasn't always visible and the pain it caused as constant.

we were trying to figure out why i was sticking around, why i hadn't passed on to where ever. one theory was due to the violence of my death and another was that i had unfinished business. but when thinking about that, i had no idea what that business could be. the search took us to some older man. i was hoping that he didn't see me and for a while he was acting like he didn't. he invited my friends in for some food in his little back yard garden. i was hanging off to the side until he looked right at me and offered me a seat near him. i was shocked.

and that's all i remember of my dream. crazy, right? anyone have any insight? i tried looking up some of the stuff online, but i'm not finding a lot.

mike the shredder

so friday i was out, having lunch with a friend and planning on running errands when i got a call asking me to come in to work. i did't want to go in, but i like the guy and i felt bad that he's violently ill. problem is...i have plans that night and have just purchased a shredder in yet another attempt to declutter and organize my life.

i had no choice but to lug it with me all night. by the end of the night, he was now called mike.
many thanks to ted and jarred for helping me out with mike through out the evening (and to courtney for being man enough to hold the door for me :wink:)

in mike's first night in my care he got to hang out at a comedy club, see the new harry potter movie, run around williamsburg, and do whiskey shots at barcade. not bad.

everyone...meet mike...

ukulele and existential detectives

i got my ukulele! yay! it's so much fun (probably less fun for my neighbors, though). but now i have a dilemma...i've been teaching myself songs and chords and it's going well, but now i have a deadline. a comic has made a sort of wager with me. if i can learn to play stairway to heaven on the uke, he'll give me a very special david bowie t-shirt. so i'm looking for someone to tutor me to expedite the process. know of anyone?

and don't fall asleep watching i heart huckabees...it can give you really fucked up dreams.

do over

i sometimes feel that my life, as i'm living it now, is just a sort of test run. that one day i'm going to wake up in my bed in bahrain, 15 again, like this was all a dream, but a little wiser. i would know what to really focus on, what choices to make, and what to let slide.

i realize that if my life were a movie or a novel and this were to happen, that the course of my life could be significantly altered. i do believe that there are certain places you are meant to be, things you are meant to do, and people who you are meant to have in your life, so although my life path may be altered, i would still be hitting those marks and meeting those people. but who knows, maybe very little would change...maybe after a time, my wisdom would fade and i'd end up doing the same damn things i've already done.

still, i'd like to try it and see what happens.

my inner muse

Your Inner Muse is Euterpe

You are most like this muse of music. While you may or may not be musical... You love music and set life to your own personal soundrack. And you are good at making anyone's heart sing!

What Muse Are You?

tonight

i got soaked with a supersoaker while dancing on a bar

and

the answer to the question "so tell me something about you that i can't tell from looking at you..." isn't "what's my favorite movie?"

ugh, jersey boys...

sucks

my time at rci will be up in two weeks. i was told today.

i saw it coming...shows closing, less work, etc. and i know i've grown too comfortable and should be working harder at finding a better paying job. but i like the office too much. maybe this is the kick in the ass i need. but regardless, it still sucks.

anyone know of a theater job that pays and is hiring?

my own personal hell on film

if you know me, you probably know about my phobia of zombies...

i know it is an irrational fear. there's no reason for it. it's not like i fear the water because i almost drowned. and it's not like all horror movies scare me...i love them. and i've had people try to convince me that vampires and zombies are similar, so why do i freak out about zombies when i have had such a fascination with vampires?

i don't know. i've tried to rationalize it every which way and i am still petrified of them.

i saw 28 days later in the movie theater and had nightmares for two weeks afterwards. i saw it because danny boyle is one of my favorite filmmakers and it was an excellent film. but it gave me even more things to be scared of...fast moving zombies caused by a virus made from animal testing...as if the original conception of the idea wasn't bad enough! but what really scared me in the film were some of the stories told. things that we heard about but never saw. things that i sometimes still think about when i'm stuck in a crowded subway or am fretting in the middle of the night.

so knowing all of this, why did i go to see 28 weeks later yesterday? maybe part of me was hoping that it'd be a lesser film and it would break this fear. not a chance. i can't remember the last time i covered my eyes in a horror film and this one had me sobbing, with my head in my lap and my arms over my head. i was shaking and hyperventilating with my feet up on the chair in front of me for protection. so many things just talked about in the first film were shown in this one. essentially, all the nightmares i had imagined were shown to me.

and the violence was just brutal. and, of course, there were the zombies.

the movie fucked me up. and i had to run from the theater to work, so i was completely out of sorts yesterday. i also had problems sleeping. i had to go to bed with the light on and cartoons playing. i was still awake every 2 or 3 hours, though. i don't remember any of my dreams, but i've probably got a pretty good idea what they were about. i woke myself up once talking very loudly in my sleep.

all of this has just added to my general melancholia of late.

why do i do this to myself? it would be so easy to just skip the film and not have this effect. but there i was, days ago, looking at the stills from the film and getting goosebumps from that horrible face. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i just leave it alone? why can't i be afraid of something normal like spiders or heights or something?

fyi...

i'm dying my hair red again.

see that's what happens when you actually give karron a day off...

and today is proof that

"summer in the city means cleavage, cleavage, cleavage..."

rent character

Which RENT Character Are YOU?

Maureen - the performer. You attract men and women like no one else, and you take full advance of your outgoing personality to woo them. You don't really care about the outside world, but you pretend to to get your face on the screen.
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tumult

this past week has been insane. i've had one day off in a month. many of my days i work 12-14 hours. this week was particularly hectic because it was the official opening of don't quit your night job. also, rci was managing the new dramatists luncheon honoring edward albee which was also on the same day. so of course, working my butt off. not that i mind, but i just want a weekend, you know? i'm getting very tired and not as happy as i once was. some sleep and relaxation would help that immensly.

then on friday i found out that sunday would be my last day on the show. elizabeth, the company manager, fought to keep me and is deeply unhappy about it. but the higher-ups are doing budget cuts, and thus the ticketing part of my job will be handled by the venue owner and the other aspects of my position will be handled by elizabeth. it wasn't much notice and rather than make a game plan on what i'm going to do to fix it, i drank heavily all weekend. on friday after the show, i went out with louie, the sound guy for don't quit and we closed out house of brews. the sun was coming up as i was going home, although i don't remember actually getting home. heh. i also was reminded that sharpee doesn't wash off easily.

then after the shows yesterday, elizabeth and i went to sweet carolines, an event at ha! that happens after our show. again, i got home about 4:30 and i have no idea how much i drank. being buddies with the bartender can be a dangerous thing. i remember doing at least 6 shots from everything from vodka and tequila to lemon drops and red headed sluts and blow jobs (see picture below). And every time i turned around i had a new g&t, so who knows how many of those i drank. needless to say, i have many stories from last night. some of which inlude a lesbian licking my arm, a navy guy doing push ups so i'd give him a kiss, having the bar manager pour jameson down my throat on multiple occasions, and pole dancing on the bar.

and so today was my last day as assistant company manager on don't quit. i was at ha! trying to make sure that everyone was trained properly, when i mentioned that i was officially out of a job. anthony, the venue owner hadn't realized this. he thought i'd still be working on the show, just not doing ticketing. nope. so he offered me a job. so i'll still be working on don't quit, but in a slightly different capacity. i won't have the asst. manager duties, but i'll still be doing the ticketing. and also two nights a week i'll be hostessing at the club. so now my weekends will be thursdays and fridays. the pay isn't as good, but at least it's something until i can figure out what the hell i'm doing...again. and i'm still involved in theater. elizabeth is still going to train me to cover for her if she's out, so i can pick up some extra cash doing that as well. but at least i have a buffer for now...that i don't think i would have had if i hadn't partied hard last night.
so again, things are up in the air. but i think i'll have to get used to that working in theater and all...

and now i'll leave you with some pictures from the evening...

May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com

my new boss anthony, me, elizabeth, and the random navy guy (pre pushups)


right before i got up on the bar...

May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com


and of course the ever famous blowjob shot...(elizabeth's smile says it all)


May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com

my turtle is this bad ass...

moose ball

angel

i spoke with david boreanaz on the phone today!!!! heheheheheheehhehehehehehe! :D

you know you drink too much coffee if...

on your way to work you walk in to your local coffee shop and the coffee guy grabs you, puts you in a head lock, and gives you a noogie. then he tries to box you.

not quite what you'd expect first thing in the morning. yet another reason why i love williamsburg.

oslo beats the pants off starbucks any day.

_insert_exclamation_here_!

i'm nervous! tonight's the first preview for don't quit and i feel like i'll be flying by the seat of my pants. i don't feel prepared at all. there's been so little time to adjust to the idea and learn...anything...but i guess that's why they call it a preview and not opening night...

here is good right now

is it stupid that a stupid myspace survey can make you have an epiphany?

last night i couldn't sleep and i was filling out this "61 odd questions" survey and came to the question: "where would you rather be?" and you know, i didn't have an answer. i don't think that has ever happened. i ALWAYS want to be somewhere else...traveling, etc. and this time i didn't. i had an awesome day yesterday: walked over the williamsburg bridge, bummed around the lower east side and east village, sat in a park, had dinner with friends, had a very interesting (and scarily accurate) tarot reading, and just had a great time.
so then i couldn't sleep and i came to this question and had the realization that there was no where that i'd rather be than here and now. and that's a good thing to have.
i just got back from a free LIVE karaoke night in my neighborhood...it's live with a piano, not a machine. that's pretty fucking scary. i rocked out with my cracking voice to nothing compares to you (which had the entire bar singing with me) and then did a pretty punk rock version of build me up butter cup with ian, kurtis's roommate. ian...kurtis...ian curtis...anyone get the reference? ian certainly didn't. (by the way, eric, this is for you...today is/was the 23rd and ian curtis died at age 23...23 is an auspicious number)
but anyway, i just wanted to let you know that here is good right now. here is really good. i'm having fun and for the first time in i don't know how long, there's no where i'd rather be.

voiceless

everyone keeps telling me not to whisper; that it's bad for my voice. but it's not like i have much of a choice.

i know someone can only have a certain amount of luck at any given time, but this wrench in the works came at precisely the wrong time.

i lost my voice. it's a fairly common thing to happen to people, but i feel that the timing of this makes my life even more bizarre than it already is.

yesterday i had interviews with three potential replacements at petaholics. i can only imagine what they thought as i whispered questions at them.

yesterday i also had the meet and greet for don't quit. when we went around the room introducing ourselves, i had to whisper in the ear of the stage manager, who acted as my translator. wonderful first impression, i'm sure...

my lack of voice also weirded out a lot of people. elizabeth, the company manager for don't quit, kept thinking i was unhappy or bored because i was nonresponsive, but i had to keep telling her i wasn't, just that i couldn't respond. i also had a lot of people whispering back at me, as if what i was saying to them was a secret.

i was hoping that by some miracle my voice would be back by the time i had to do my show, but that truly was just wishful thinking. leslie, the stage manager, had to go on for me, instead. she did a great job and i'm very proud of her. but the whole ordeal also greatly frustrated me. i already feel like i'm letting the show down by leaving a week early to do don't quit. and then i can't even perform in my penultimate show because i have no voice. i also feel a little cheated, seeing as i don't know when i'll get to act again because of my work schedule for don't quit.

today my voice is better, but still very hoarse. i'm trying to concerve it by writing everything down so i'll be able to go on tonight and have a last show. i started writing stuff down last night when we went to a bar after the show. there was no way i could compete with the music and noise in the bar. it was actually kind of fun and for some reason i was able to come up with a number of good pickup lines. maybe i should be mute more often. ;) no, not really.

i ran out today to enjoy the amazing weather and to run some errands. on my way back i stopped at my local favorite coffee spot to grab my essential summer drink, the dirty chai. i wrote out a nice note to give to the cute coffee guy. he took a look at it and said, "i don't read." nice. then handed it to the guy who makes the drinks. he held up four fingers to indicate how much i should pay. i may be mute, but i'm not deaf. he then asked me if i was faking (a common thought among a couple of my friends), so i attempted to speak for the first time since i woke up. it didn't sound much better. i told him that i was trying to conserve my voice for the show tonight since the stage manager had to go one for me last night. he told me my voice made me sound like a tough guy and that i should do my character like a civil war general. then he offered me a cigarette. dick...kinda funny, but still a dick.

so here's hoping it works out tonight...if not, maybe i can put my new voiceless pickup lines to good use.

it has happened.

friday i gave notice to my boss at petaholics. why? you may ask, knowing how long i stuck it through crappy real estate jobs that provided more grief than this current part-time gig.

because i was offered (and i accepted) a position as asst. company manager/box office liason for don't quit your night job, a new improv/sketch comedy show created by and featuring broadway actors. yes, you heard right. karron's day and night jobs have finnally merged. my primary source of income will be from the theater. well it fucking took long enough, didn't it?

i'm still not fully filled in on the details of my job...i know my work schedule and it will be a total life and schedule change. i'll be working 6 shows a week, with my weekend being tuesday and wednesday. because all of the actors in the show are currently working on broadway, the show schedule is around the broadway hours, meaning we have 3:30, 5:30, 7:00 or 11PM shows, depending on the day of the week. i've always said i was a night person, now's the time when i'll put my money where my mouth is and see if it's true. i'm really excited to see what this job brings.

my one regret is that i'm going to have to leave the cast of five years later a week early. the first preview of don't quit is during the last week of performances for five years later, and there's no way i can be in both places at once. it's a good thing my part is so minor. they're on the case searching for my replacement, and i have no doubt that she'll do a wonderful job.

so you know what that means, kiddies...this week will be your last chance to see me on stage for at least a little while...so if you need your dose of karron on stage, go see five years later.

i'll keep you posted on the details of my exciting break through as soon as i have them. yay! i've done it...finally.

american hardcore

this weekend i watched the documentary american hardcore. it wasn't perfect and certainly left a lot out, but it was still awesome! it made me want to go out and start a bar fight! i can't get this clip of henry rollins out of my head. it just makes me smile (and want to get a little violent).

art movement

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you've created a world that is all your own. It's very likely that you've either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy. You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society. You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

What Art Movement Are You?

unfortunately true

You scored as No Doubt - Don't Speak. You love this song. Not for the gorgeous female lead, the catchy riffs, or the brilliantly singalong quality of the song. No, you took the time to listen to the lyrics and they really spoke to you. They were there for you when you needed them. You vowed to always support the band and repay that favour. 'Cept you sorta gave that up 30 seconds into Gwen's solo career. No Doubt - Don't Speak 90% Verve Pipe - The Freshman 65% Portishead - Roads 60% Radiohead - Creep 60% The Pixies - Where is my Mind 45% Hanson Mmmbop 35% Which Classic 90's Song Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

dreamy

last night i had a dream about being pregnant. i don't remember much about what went on in the dream, except that i frequently rubbed my belly and if i touched a certain area, i could feel the baby's heart beat. i was also very happy and in a good place about being pregnant (which, in reality would never be the case). i used to have dreams about having a baby or being pregnant a lot when i was in college. they were always before something big started, like, i would get them during RA training. but in college they were usually filled with anxiety and were very stylized and unrealistic. some even had an almost animated feel and were in black and white.

this is what i found out about my dream from an online dream dictionary:

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

To see your belly in your dream, indicates that your are processing and integrating your ideas and feelings from the unconscious to the conscious level. The belly symbolically holds repressed emotions and unexpressed feelings. Your dream may also be telling you to trust your gut feeling and intuition.

To see a pregnant belly, represents emotions that are due to come to the surface. They can no longer remain suppressed.

To dream that you are stroking or touching a belly, indicates that you are coming to terms with certain feelings. You are slowly confronting and acknowledging your repressed emotions.

To hear a heartbeat in your dream, suggests that you are not confronting or recognizing your feelings. You need to approaching thing head-on. Alternatively, a heartbeat may symbolize life or fear. You are feeling threatened in some way.

ok, ok...i get it. it kinda makes sense given some news i got recently. who'd have thought that my subconcious was able to beat me over the head that many times in a single dream?

another silly travel map thing...

headbutt

last night i was headbutted twice. and then i headbutted back. (he stopped headbutting people after that). i was also asked to slap someone and it was called cute.

what an interesting st. patrick's night...

what to do tonight?

i have too many invitations for this evening...places i should go, might go, don't want to go, and shouldn't go. why does the shouldn't seem so appealing?

then there are the others inquiring about my plans...do they want to come along or will they offer another option? as if i need another option tonight.

it makes me want to say fuck it all together and stay home and do nothing...but then i'd really feel like a loser.

i'm sorry friends, but i don't have a fucking clue what i'm doing tonight.

it shouldn't be this complicated, should it?

haircut?

i really want to cut my hair like this...should i?

please keep in mind this was taken on a camera phone and in bad lighting...

bizarre night

on my way home tonight, i was pumped. i was so excited and happy. i had gone to happy hour with my office and then saw an amazing show with an amazing actor. i was all ready, upon returning home to write a blog entry about it and my trip home, to study my lines for my rehearsal tomorrow and go to bed early enough so that i could get up early enough (and not feel like shit) to take a load of stuff to storage before rehearsal. but instead i am sitting, alone, in my ex-boyfriend's apartment in his bathrobe, drinking a beer, contemplating an earlier incident where i was crying and he didn't even get up to give me a hug. instead, he told me to move to give him one. how did i get where i am right now? i sometimes feel like my life is so full of the ridiculous. (oddly enough, the other night, hatim and i were talking about how none of our "5 year plans" have ever worked out.)
the show tonight, prelude to a kiss, was amazing. i thought alan tudyk was brilliant. i wasn't so sure the comic relief from firefly would be able to pull off being the romantic lead of a piece, but he did so with flying colors. (and he looks pretty damn good without his shirt, too.) the show had me thinking about all sorts of things. how i want to make changes in my life, for the better, and how to do so without picking up everything and moving someplace completely new, where you know no one. despite my efforts, those seem to be the only times when re-imagining myself has been successful. otherwise there are too many people who have a fixed idea about you that they are unwilling to let go, despite anything you try to do to shake them of it.
then i had a unique new york moment on the train. i was waiting in the last car of the L train as it was stopped in the 8th ave. station. there was a bum asleep on one of the benches. i was admiring his creative use of newspaper as clothing. he had very neatly tore thick, even fringes from the paper and had wrapped it around his head, arms, and jacket. something woke him up and he started pacing and staggering the length of the car. he was about to fall over into a guy who tried to direct him to fall on a bench. instead, the bum thought he was starting a fight and started to get violent. but he didn't really know where to direct it and ended up charging a guy who just walked in the car. eventually he ran out, and only then the conductor and one of those guardian angels in the red uniform came (i haven't seen one in years). i ended up chatting with the guy who the bum charged, bonding over the moment and talking about other weird things that have happened to us on trains.
then further along the ride, i look up and notice gloves a woman is wearing. she got them from old navy. why do i know this? because i looked at the same pair for a costume i was doing in college. it's amazing how i can remember that, but i can't remember my keys. yes, my keys.
i had been in and out of the house repeatedly today. i swore i had them when i left, if i did, they're gone...either in the bar or in the theater. i hope to god they're still at home.
i'm walking home, all bouncy and excited from the train. as i said before, i was jazzed from the show and amused by the goings on on the train. i was thinking of the changes i wanted to make in life, etc. and i was happy. but, i guess, here's the problem with me: happiness is so fragile. such a tiny thing can shatter it. i reached into my pocket and the keys weren't there. no problem. i call hatim because he said he and archana were going to be home tonight. no answer. still no problem. i think he might not hear his phone or may be ignoring it because he's too busy with the romance. i get home and start buzzing. no answer. he's really not home. fuck. and he's leaving on spring vacation tomorrow. i need to find a time to get home to see if my keys are indeed there. i can't wait till he gets back. by this time, i realize that i need to make a plan on what to do in the mean time. when i got off the train, the temperature was 32, and i knew it'd get colder the later it got. i had precisely two dollars in my wallet and not much more in the bank. i knew of a few places i could go for a while, but eventually they'd kick me out if i didn't buy anything.
i start calling a number of friends who live a reasonable distance away from me. no one picks up. i mean, i know it's 11 on a friday night, but come on...i start to panic.
after making the last call, i start to cry (and yet, through the tears end up giving a girl directions to a local club...i told you my life is ridiculous). everything starts plummeting down. the high of happiness i felt gives way to the dispare that i've been feeling lately. i start focusing on the negative. i start focusing on how lonely i am. i start focusing on the fact that i'm getting cold and have no where to go.
finally i get calls back. the only people to call back...the ex-boyfriends (one after i had already arrived at my current location). haha. i get here and he's already made plans. he offers for me to come, but halfheartedly. i know i'd be crashing. i'm sure a bunch of metal guys having a high school reunion of sorts would want me tagging along. besides, it was already late, i have no money, and i have rehearsal in the morning (which i will not be memorized for). so he watched me cry. it was awkward. and he left. now i'm sitting here in his robe, typing on his computer. ah well. ce la vie.
his roommate gave me soup to eat because i hadn't had dinner and i have no money. boy i'm feeling pathetic. but in a funny sort of way. writing this has lifted my spirts a little (or maybe it's my blood sugar from the soup). sometimes it helps to get it out. i don't know why i don't get locked out in the summer (well, i do, but that's only after my mom changes the locks on me and i think she's dead inside my apartment because she doesn't answer the door), 'cuz i'd just walk the bridge in to manhattan and walk around until it's light. i've done it before and will probably do it again.
well that's it. it's all out. i'm feeling better and now i can sleep. don't think i'm insane or anything. i just need it to be officially spring and/or a good show to purge my dark side in again.

i met matt dillon!!!

ok, maybe meeting is an over-statement, but we conversed...

i worked the opening night for a show my company is managing, spalding gray: stories left to tell. there were a couple of celebs in attendance, including matt dillon (by the way, he's a vegetarian), mathew modine, moby, and jane krakowski. and yes, i did actually speak to them. yay!

thank you, friends

i've been pretty down lately. you know how it is, one thing sucks and then it compounds and you apply that feeling to every aspect of your life.

but recently, there have been a few people who showed me that they care. it may not have been much to you, but it means the world to me.

so, i thank you...you know who you are.

i'm writing again.

while i was sick, i watched the documentary, dig. it was on my netflix cue because someone had recommended it to me or something...i don't really remember why. i had pushed it down on the list repeatedly, not feeling like watching it and then it came at one point when i wasn't paying attention to what would be sent to me next. that was in december. i had been holding on to it, watching everything else that came instead. i considered just sending it back unwatched. but i knew there'd be a day when i'd get around to it.

that day was monday when i was sick in bed and i had nothing else to watch. and it was awesome. in short it was the story of two bands who were friendly, one with a very talented leader, but VERY dysfunctional, and another, the dandy warhols, who were functional and actually were able to make a living off their music. the film documented the rise and fall of the two bands.

it got me thinking about a play i first thought up about three years ago. probably the most ambitious project i ever dreamed up (and that's saying a lot). i only have a first draft of act 1 and an outline of act 2. either i got busy or i hit a wall or something, but for whatever reason, i stopped writing. i swept it under the carpet and abandoned it. it's been about 2 years since i even looked at the script. i still thought about it often.

dig got me thinking about it again, because anton, the lead singer of the brian jonestown massacre is very much like one of the central characters of my show. point of you was having a day of table reads of shows that had been submitted or pieces of things that members of the company are in the process of writing. i considered dusting it off for a read, so i talked to johnny and we fit in a time for my piece to be read. i basically wanted to know if it was worth starting to work on again, or if i should just leave it burried.

the feed back was really good! according to them, it doesn't actually suck. :)

hearing it read out loud, got me thinking about all of it again. tonight i made the revisions i marked down in the reading and wrote another scene for act 1. my brain is still working on act 2 and i'm not sure if i'm quite ready to start writing it since i still don't know how i want it to end. i'm playing with a couple of ideas, however one that keeps popping up could radically change what i've already written.

but it's all pretty exciting and pretty daunting. the idea of this show has been looming over me for years now. everyone i talk to about it thinks it's great. i know it is. it is a great idea. i just want the execution to be as good as the idea. that's what's scary. i've never considered myself a playwright and here i am writing a full legnth play. a musical, no less. i haven't even begun to think of the music for the show...

one thing at a time...

i'm scared, but this is all a good thing. i feel this must be written and has amazing potential.

don't know where i'm going, but i sure know where i've been

i'm sure there are more, but i'm just going off of the places i remember...i'm not really counting the ones my parents took me that i was too young to remember.

everyone changes.

everyone changes.

i truely believe that everyone in your life is there for a reason. there are some people that you can go for 6 months without speaking or seeing them and pick up right off where you left off like a not even a day has passed. there are others who can be so close, but if you go for a time without seeing them, it can be jarring once you spend time together again. it's like you're spending time with a stranger with a familiar face. i hate that awkwardness.

we all have different stages that we go through with life. some people are meant to span all or some of those stages and others are meant to be there for a short time. (and sometimes those very short encounters can be some of the most impressionable experiences.) it's sad, though, when you have a realization that you have less and less in common with some people that you consider your family. what keeps you together when they don't even make the attempt any more?

there are members of the group that are only there because of me. i brought them in. and now i feel they are more valued than i am. i feel like if i left or moved or something, that i wouldn't really be missed. few would make the attempt to keep in contact. i think the roast made it very clear how i am viewed by them.

i'm sad. i've considered them more my own family than my own blood for a long time...between 1/3 and 1/4 of my life. i don't want that to end, and i don't necessarily have another friend base to fall in to. i have smatterings here and there, but nothing as solid or with as much history or as much in common as i (used to) have with them. i don't want them to be, but i feel things have been moving in this direction for quite a while. one more radical change in my life.

theatrically speaking...

this past week has been very busy for me, theatrically speaking. i've kind of been immersed in theater because of my new job.

tuesday i got free tickets to see the show, howard katz (starring alfred molina), at the roundabout. since the tickets were free, i figured, i'd have crappy seats in the back row or something. but when i got there and got my tickets i was in row G of the orchestra, center. they really were the best seats in the house. not only that, david schwimmer was sitting in front of me.

on thursday, i shadowed the company manager (who is awesome) for jewtopia. she showed me what she did in the theater, introduced me to the cast and crew and even let me sit in on an interview with a candidate for a wardrobe position. then i got to see the show. (again, for free). on my way to the theater that night, i also saw bill nighy. i love him! i totally would have stopped him and told him so, but he was already in the theater door (for the vertical hour) before i could reach him.

and tonight i worked the door for "don't quit your night job," an improv/sketch comedy thing that is comprised of actors currently on broadway. they normally do it once a month at joe's pub, but tonight was a special benefit at the ha! comedy club. david hyde pierce was the guest star. it was kind of cool.

now if i can only find out how to get free tickets to see the vertical hour and prelude to a kiss...

why frogs are cool

i'm employed...the update

in response to people's inquiries about the job prospects that i was gushing about in a previous blog entry, here's how the different things worked out:

that call back was a big fat waste of my time. maybe i jinxed it by being so excited by it. my call back day and time was rescheduled twice (and as a result i missed most of a concert i really wanted to see). i had to learn 8 scenes for 5 characters in a matter of days (and in some cases less than a day). they had me scheduled for an hour to read various characters with various other actors, but once i got there and waited for half an hour to be seen, he had me read one character in one scene once and then said "thank you. you can go now." much to the confusion of his assistant who pointed out how long they had me scheduled for. but he said he didn't need to see any more of me.

i think they had already decided who they wanted to cast based on their first night of call backs. the mood at the call back was completely different from when i first auditioned for them. i would have appreciated them telling me that they didn't need me to come in...then i could have actually been productive with my day instead of taking the time to try to memorize scenes that i never even got a chance to do. big waste of time.

i'm still acting and designing 5 years later with poy...our first read through is on wednesday.

i will be the *paid* assistant to the designer to blitzkreig, the hassidic professional wrestling musical. we had a visit to the storage space yesterday to see what sort of costume pieces they had left over from previous incarnations of the show. the costumes aren't actually all burlesque...i was a little misinformed, but there are 4 show girl type characters, so we'll still be working on stuff for them. my fee is tba, but it's money, right? and resume credit. the show will be going up at element in march. i'll let everyone know more info as soon as i have it.

the job at the management company is good. a lot of it is running around doing general copying, faxing, delivering stuff, but i've already had to do research on theatrical unions, finding new prod. stage managers, and stuff like that. this could grow into good things. and they've asked me to come in for an additional half day, so that's good too. i saw blythe danner as i was leaving work on thrusday, too. she's in a show that's playing on the block i work on.

other than that, i'm just trying to stay motivated, find an additional source of income and not let the winter weather get me down.

i'm employed!...sort of

this was posted on my other blog on january 12...i'm trying to keep both of these up, so please accept my apology for this being a little late...

i should be learning the three scenes i got last night for my callback tonight, but i can't focus, because i just got really good news, and had to share. after being really down about the state of my life lately, but good things have started happening!!!!!

last week i had an audition for a theater company that owned the theater i did crackwalker in. they called me in because the artistic director had seen crackwalker and i guess really liked me. i walked in to the theater, nervous as all hell because i don't audition well, and they aplauded me. three of them came up to me and told me how much they loved me in crackwalker. talk about pressure! and as i left, they asked me to pick up sides for another character in the show as well...which pretty much signaled me that i had a call back. they rescheduled my callback a couple of times and then last night asked me to look at three more scenes for three other characters. i'm freaking out a bit. i feel like i don't have the time to spend on any of the scenes or characters, but i guess it means they really want to use me, huh? i'd really like to get in this show because this company is well established and gets tons of press, etc. it could mean good things.

i'm also excited about a character i'll be playing in the next poy show, 5 years later...i'll be playing death. :) i'm also doing the costume design. should be fun.
and i've just gotten wind that i may be able to assist in the designing of 30 burlesque costumes (and get paid for it)...thanks for thinking of me sabrina. :) that's totally right up my alley and sounds pretty exciting.

and for the kicker...

i just got offered a job at a broadway/off-broadway theatrical management company. it's just two days a week and the pay is crap, but it's a step in the right direction! i accepted...how could i not? i start tuesday. so yay! i'm excited!

it was suggested i buy a lottery ticket today. maybe i will. :)