if you know me, you probably know about my phobia of zombies...
i know it is an irrational fear. there's no reason for it. it's not like i fear the water because i almost drowned. and it's not like all horror movies scare me...i love them. and i've had people try to convince me that vampires and zombies are similar, so why do i freak out about zombies when i have had such a fascination with vampires?
i don't know. i've tried to rationalize it every which way and i am still petrified of them.
i saw 28 days later in the movie theater and had nightmares for two weeks afterwards. i saw it because danny boyle is one of my favorite filmmakers and it was an excellent film. but it gave me even more things to be scared of...fast moving zombies caused by a virus made from animal testing...as if the original conception of the idea wasn't bad enough! but what really scared me in the film were some of the stories told. things that we heard about but never saw. things that i sometimes still think about when i'm stuck in a crowded subway or am fretting in the middle of the night.
so knowing all of this, why did i go to see 28 weeks later yesterday? maybe part of me was hoping that it'd be a lesser film and it would break this fear. not a chance. i can't remember the last time i covered my eyes in a horror film and this one had me sobbing, with my head in my lap and my arms over my head. i was shaking and hyperventilating with my feet up on the chair in front of me for protection. so many things just talked about in the first film were shown in this one. essentially, all the nightmares i had imagined were shown to me.
and the violence was just brutal. and, of course, there were the zombies.
the movie fucked me up. and i had to run from the theater to work, so i was completely out of sorts yesterday. i also had problems sleeping. i had to go to bed with the light on and cartoons playing. i was still awake every 2 or 3 hours, though. i don't remember any of my dreams, but i've probably got a pretty good idea what they were about. i woke myself up once talking very loudly in my sleep.
all of this has just added to my general melancholia of late.
why do i do this to myself? it would be so easy to just skip the film and not have this effect. but there i was, days ago, looking at the stills from the film and getting goosebumps from that horrible face. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i just leave it alone? why can't i be afraid of something normal like spiders or heights or something?
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I had a discussion re: the whole vampire-zombie issue with a friend not too long ago. It's a bit on the long winded, pseudo intellectual side though but I hope It helps.
Zombies could represent our own fears about mortality. No matter how tough a person may be, all it takes is a single traumatic event to reduce someone to a shell of their previous selves guided by baser instincts, with no control over themselves, living day to day, barely surviving and tragically never reach their potential as human beings if they allow themselves to be affected.
Vampires, on the other hand, managed to find something deep within them that helped them pull through (love, responsibility, etc), leaving them with a couple of weaknesses yet still retaining their original personas and able to function as individuals if they so choose to or follow someone else's lead. Their now expanded life spans offer them to experience more of the world they live and inspire them to leave their mark and live on through their accomplishments.
If you do feel like you need to face this thing head on, you might try watching Shaun of the Dead (if you havn’t already). Just give yourself enough time to recover from and make sure you have friends over to provide an environment you can feel safe in.
Hope you feel better soon...
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