my own personal hell on film

if you know me, you probably know about my phobia of zombies...

i know it is an irrational fear. there's no reason for it. it's not like i fear the water because i almost drowned. and it's not like all horror movies scare me...i love them. and i've had people try to convince me that vampires and zombies are similar, so why do i freak out about zombies when i have had such a fascination with vampires?

i don't know. i've tried to rationalize it every which way and i am still petrified of them.

i saw 28 days later in the movie theater and had nightmares for two weeks afterwards. i saw it because danny boyle is one of my favorite filmmakers and it was an excellent film. but it gave me even more things to be scared of...fast moving zombies caused by a virus made from animal testing...as if the original conception of the idea wasn't bad enough! but what really scared me in the film were some of the stories told. things that we heard about but never saw. things that i sometimes still think about when i'm stuck in a crowded subway or am fretting in the middle of the night.

so knowing all of this, why did i go to see 28 weeks later yesterday? maybe part of me was hoping that it'd be a lesser film and it would break this fear. not a chance. i can't remember the last time i covered my eyes in a horror film and this one had me sobbing, with my head in my lap and my arms over my head. i was shaking and hyperventilating with my feet up on the chair in front of me for protection. so many things just talked about in the first film were shown in this one. essentially, all the nightmares i had imagined were shown to me.

and the violence was just brutal. and, of course, there were the zombies.

the movie fucked me up. and i had to run from the theater to work, so i was completely out of sorts yesterday. i also had problems sleeping. i had to go to bed with the light on and cartoons playing. i was still awake every 2 or 3 hours, though. i don't remember any of my dreams, but i've probably got a pretty good idea what they were about. i woke myself up once talking very loudly in my sleep.

all of this has just added to my general melancholia of late.

why do i do this to myself? it would be so easy to just skip the film and not have this effect. but there i was, days ago, looking at the stills from the film and getting goosebumps from that horrible face. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i just leave it alone? why can't i be afraid of something normal like spiders or heights or something?

fyi...

i'm dying my hair red again.

see that's what happens when you actually give karron a day off...

and today is proof that

"summer in the city means cleavage, cleavage, cleavage..."

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tumult

this past week has been insane. i've had one day off in a month. many of my days i work 12-14 hours. this week was particularly hectic because it was the official opening of don't quit your night job. also, rci was managing the new dramatists luncheon honoring edward albee which was also on the same day. so of course, working my butt off. not that i mind, but i just want a weekend, you know? i'm getting very tired and not as happy as i once was. some sleep and relaxation would help that immensly.

then on friday i found out that sunday would be my last day on the show. elizabeth, the company manager, fought to keep me and is deeply unhappy about it. but the higher-ups are doing budget cuts, and thus the ticketing part of my job will be handled by the venue owner and the other aspects of my position will be handled by elizabeth. it wasn't much notice and rather than make a game plan on what i'm going to do to fix it, i drank heavily all weekend. on friday after the show, i went out with louie, the sound guy for don't quit and we closed out house of brews. the sun was coming up as i was going home, although i don't remember actually getting home. heh. i also was reminded that sharpee doesn't wash off easily.

then after the shows yesterday, elizabeth and i went to sweet carolines, an event at ha! that happens after our show. again, i got home about 4:30 and i have no idea how much i drank. being buddies with the bartender can be a dangerous thing. i remember doing at least 6 shots from everything from vodka and tequila to lemon drops and red headed sluts and blow jobs (see picture below). And every time i turned around i had a new g&t, so who knows how many of those i drank. needless to say, i have many stories from last night. some of which inlude a lesbian licking my arm, a navy guy doing push ups so i'd give him a kiss, having the bar manager pour jameson down my throat on multiple occasions, and pole dancing on the bar.

and so today was my last day as assistant company manager on don't quit. i was at ha! trying to make sure that everyone was trained properly, when i mentioned that i was officially out of a job. anthony, the venue owner hadn't realized this. he thought i'd still be working on the show, just not doing ticketing. nope. so he offered me a job. so i'll still be working on don't quit, but in a slightly different capacity. i won't have the asst. manager duties, but i'll still be doing the ticketing. and also two nights a week i'll be hostessing at the club. so now my weekends will be thursdays and fridays. the pay isn't as good, but at least it's something until i can figure out what the hell i'm doing...again. and i'm still involved in theater. elizabeth is still going to train me to cover for her if she's out, so i can pick up some extra cash doing that as well. but at least i have a buffer for now...that i don't think i would have had if i hadn't partied hard last night.
so again, things are up in the air. but i think i'll have to get used to that working in theater and all...

and now i'll leave you with some pictures from the evening...

May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com

my new boss anthony, me, elizabeth, and the random navy guy (pre pushups)


right before i got up on the bar...

May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com


and of course the ever famous blowjob shot...(elizabeth's smile says it all)


May 19, 2007 - Sweet Caroline's Rock and Roll Dueling Piano Show @ Ha! Comedy Club - JoonBug.com

my turtle is this bad ass...

moose ball

angel

i spoke with david boreanaz on the phone today!!!! heheheheheheehhehehehehehe! :D

you know you drink too much coffee if...

on your way to work you walk in to your local coffee shop and the coffee guy grabs you, puts you in a head lock, and gives you a noogie. then he tries to box you.

not quite what you'd expect first thing in the morning. yet another reason why i love williamsburg.

oslo beats the pants off starbucks any day.