ooops...nearly

this morning it was so difficult to wake up...i stumbled into my kitchen in my sleepy haze, got a bowl of cereal and went back to my room to eat and read emails. as i took my empty bowl back to the sink, i got a whiff of gas. for a second i thought i was imagining it. why would i be smelling gas? i didn't even cook last night. but as i stood there, i knew what i was smelling. i looked at my stove and felt it. i don't know why i'd think it was warm, but i checked anyway. then i noticed that one of the nobs was turned, almost to the "light" setting.

i'd like to think i brushed it when i was getting my breakfast this morning, but i know that i was nowhere near the stove. which means i either brushed against it last night when i got home and it had been going all night or it's been like that since friday night, which was the last time i cooked.

i've never had something like this happen before, but i have no one to blame but myself (since i'm sans roommate).

i cracked my glass door and am letting my apartment air out. it should be fine by the time i get home tonight. good thing i'm not a smoker, eh?

the story of the gold lamee skirt

i've felt that my blogs lately have become very one-note...they're all "yay job this" or "oh no job that." i swear after october 7th, i'll at least have something more in my life than musicals 24/7...and i should, in theory, have more of a social life because i won't have the insane schedule, so let's hang out people! but in the mean time, a non-job related blog post...

i had to buy a new futon mattress. it's the same one that i got it with, and i got the futon second hand. it was almost completely flattened and very uncomfortable. i found a fairly cheap one so had it scheduled to be delivered today between 12 and 4. of course they came as close to 4 as humanly possible.
hatim decided to come over to keep me company while i waited and at some point i was showing him this gold skirt that i bought for a costume in hurt so good but decided not to use. at that moment the delivery guys called my cell phone to let me know they'd be there very soon.
so hatim gets this bizarre idea that i need to wear the gold skirt when they deliver the mattress. he told me he'd buy me coffee if i did it, so i said ok. i put the skirt on and all of a sudden he was telling me i had to bend over in front of them, etc. and i refused. it was already bad enough that i was wearing this stupid gold skirt with a green day tshirt.
so the guys come with the mattress and you could see that they were visibly flustered. they were probably thinking "fucking hipsters and the way they dress." and i actually had to bend over in front of them to get a pen. they were trying so hard not to look at the skirt, but i must admit that it's really hard not to look at it...i would probably be staring if it wasn't me in the skirt. it was a very uncomfortable situation and they got out of there as quickly as possible. the highlight was probably me trying to adjust the futon and mattress while still in the skirt and trying to keep it from riding up.
i'm such a whore! all of that just for a coffee (i actually made sure to get a dirty chai...a whole dollar more expensive). for some reason hatim knows how to challenge me to do things that i'd never do...like see the movie 28 weeks later...or take pictures of me growling at the camera while still in the skirt and on the mattress. no, you can't see those pictures, but you can see this one...

overwhelmed

today i got two phone calls about potential jobs. not for jobs i've applied to but from people i've worked with who have heard about things or have been approached about positions and have thought of me. and they're good jobs. i don't want to jinx anything but i'm a bit excited.

oh, and creatively my brain is working too...i think i may have just passed the blocker on my play. :)

yay for days off!

"time flies like an arrow..."

i had a bit of down time between shows today, so i took a look at my schedule, and i estimated the number of hours i worked during the first week of the festival. 76. it's kind of frightening when you actually put a number to it. and that doesn't include hurt so good rehearsals, etc.

i suddenly feel better and justified as to why it feels like most of my life is in shambles now. and why i've been so tired.

but in better news, i have wednesday off. woooo!

blast from the past

i got 9 hours of sleep last night, but i'm still tired. i think i need a whole day off to actually feel refreshed. just 2 more days until i get my first day off in more than 2 weeks!

on another note, the producer of the show that is currently playing in my theater was one of my residents my first year as an r.a. boy does that make me feel old! he recognized me before i recognized him. it's really such a small world. some of his guests in the show were also some of my residents, and one of them, elizabeth, recognized me. i asked her how she was doing and she said "great, thanks to you." it's nice to be remembered and to know that i made a difference in someone's life.
that year was my hell year with my residents and i felt like i could have been a much, much better ra, but it's still nice to hear that i wasn't a complete fuck up with them.

musicals

musicals have taken over my life...

i was alway the one to tell people to stop singing show tunes, but now i can't get them out of my head. at least the ones i'm singing are funny and riddled with profanity or slightly emo rock.

working for nymf has gotten me thinking about my play again...you know the one...the one that i was so close to completing and then i stopped because i didn't know how it should end. well, now i know how it should end, i just don't know how to get there. and in my ideal world, i found my musical collaborator. first, he's won an obie, so it's always to have that name recognition. ;) and i can't get his music out of my head. if they had a cd, i'd buy it in a heart beat. the music for his show is amazing...but the script has a bit to be desired (which is perfect in my case). AND when he's not doing theater, he fronts a glam rock band. which is exactly what i need for my show!

i'm friendly with him, but not FRIENDS...now, how do i get him to want to keep in contact with me so that at some point in the future i can show him my script and make him want to write the songs and score???? i don't want to just show him my script now and let him run away with my idea and go off and do his own show with the same concept and win another obie.

workaholic

i've always wanted to do it all...and i'm trying to do it again.

i decided to take both jobs.

three days a week, i'm working at a lighting and sound production company, although i think he eventually wants me to work there full time. the job is pretty easy and normally i'd be happy to work there full time, but the reverse commute to long island is a bitch. we'll see how it goes and if i get used to the commuting, otherwise i may have to look elsewhere. i just don't want to piss off my boss, though, since he offered me the job just based on our limited contact when i was working on don't quit.

and as of september 17th, i'll be box office manager for the new york musical theater festival. i'm pretty excited about that. it'll give me a nice reprieve from the long commute. and my venue is the has the only musical with full frontal male and female nudity (they're washing blood off each other in a bathtub) and die hard: the sock puppet musical.

and i'm still working on hurt so good.

i don't know how to not overschedule myself. i'm hoping with these jobs to make good connections as well as a bit of cash. i eventually do want something more stable, but i feel like i haven't found the right job to settle in just yet.

how different i am from a year ago when i was working a miserable job that i just stayed put in rather than venture out to find something to make me happy...now i feel like i almost have career a.d.d.

...or that...an update

my interview yesterday went really well, although it was a bit weird because it was a group interview. they said they'd let me know by tuesday.

and the interview today went so well that they offered me the job on the spot. i told them that i was waiting to hear about another offer, and they still said that they would like me to come in on tuesday on a temporary/part-time basis. if i work out, they'll bump it up to full time and a higher pay range. why am i hesitant? because this is the job on long island.

i'm not going to lie, i do need the money. but i still want to hold on in case some of the other places i've applied (blue man group, the public theater) call me. what do i do? take the job but give it a while before i settle in? i don't want to leave these guys hanging, but it also seems like they need someone pretty immediately. and the money can't hurt, right? but still...it's LONG ISLAND.

this or that...

i have two job interviews in the next two days. this is what i want and need...so why am i so apprehensive?

neither position is ideal. one would require commuting to long island and the other is with a festival; so the position isn't permanent.

i guess i'm just scared that i'll accept something and miss my golden opportunity or something.

bunny pirate!

yesterday while i was walking up bedford avenue, i noticed a commotion going on across the street. i took my earphones out to hear what was going on and then noticed that a man was hopping down the sidewalk and shouting "i'm bunny pirate!" to groups of people.
he was wearing the head piece from an easter bunny outfit, an eye patch, red sweatpants with novelty boxers over it (the boxers had a plastic ass attached to the back), and an american flag as a cape. on one hand he had a blue boxing glove; in the other he had a giant floppy heart on a stick.
i was more than amused and watched him accost groups of people trying to ignore him. if i was with someone, i may have risked letting him hop up to me just to see what he'd do. but, unfortunately, i was on my way somewhere and didn't want to risk it.
then today, i saw these posters up on the light poles!



some days i REALLY love my neighborhood!

essay

i'm applying for a job at...well, i don't want to jinx it, but anyway, it's a place i've always wanted to work for. and they want me to write a 500 word essay on my goals, experience and education and how it has helped me thus far.

i haven't had to write an essay since 2002. i haven't had to write an essay about myself since i applied to colleges...last century. a history paper is easy. you have themes, events you can talk about. but an essay about yourself is fucking hard.

and it's for a finance position, anyway. i don't expect i'd be writing a lot of essays in between doing the reconciliation reports and doing the theater payroll.

i mean, all i really want to say is that i just want a paying, theater related job that is stable and pays me enough so that i won't have to skip meals. but somehow i don't think they'd go for that.

i think it's time for a break from the job search.

coney island/bouncing souls

yesterday hatim and i went down to coney island to see the bouncing souls.

i’ve been a fan of their’s for a long time, but never had a chance to see them live. all six nights they played at the knitting factory last year were sold out the week they went on sale (or something ridiculous like that). but it was worth the wait. i couldn’t have asked for a better first time seeing a band.

our tickets included a "fun pass" that would allow us to ride the rides at astroland for free. the weather was kind of threatening, so alot of the rides were shutting down for fear of rain. they gave us $10 of our tickets back to us, so we went around spending it on what we could. we rode the wonderwheel and dante’s inferno and played a lot of skee ball. then we walked around on the beach and boardwalk. i wanted to see the freak show, but both that and the coney island museum were closed because it was monday. i did notice and think it was odd that in the same building that housed the coney museum and freak show had an army recruiting office in it.




i didn’t mind that a lot of the things were closed. it gave us a more interesting perspective. the weather set a very different kind of mood for the trip. it started getting colder and after a while we saw all that was open, so we ate some questionable food at ruby’s bar and grill, next door to cha cha’s, where we would be seeing the concert.



after a while we didn’t know what else to do besides go to cha cha's and start drinking. and drink i did. we tried the coney island ale that tasted like real carney! and nothing says class like plastic cups.







the first band to go on was static radio nj. i noticed that the drummer was a guy i accidentally hit in the crotch earlier that evening with a bar stool. heh. they were alright, not really my thing though. then another band was supposed to play. i wasn't really paying attention when the next band went on. but as they started to play, i turned to hatim and said "who are these guys? they sound like the bouncing souls." and he said "they are the bouncing souls you moron."


we pushed forward so i could actually see the stage and i ended up on the edge of the mosh pit pushing people back in. after that, it's all kind of a blur. i couldn't tell you everything that was played, but i know i heard the majority of everything i could have wanted to hear. i was in the pit, on the side...at one point hatim and i got separated and i ended up in the front row. i got to pound fists with the bassist, bryan, and there was some guy...my bouncing soul mate (haha)...who kept an eye on me and more than once kept me from getting trampled or knocked over. i tried to find him after the show to say thanks, but i didn't know where he went.


after the show, hatim and i were dripping with our sweat, other people's sweat, and beer. i was glowing. the crowd was disbursing, but i didn't want to leave. i had another beer and this guy that i had been talking to earlier...a bar regular went up to pete, the guitarist and told him i wanted to take a picture with him. it was awesome.



when i got home, i surveyed the damage. my white shoes are now black. i'm going to try throwing them in the washer to see if they get any better. hatim and i both stank of sweat and beer. this morning the shirt i bought at the merch table was still wet. i've got bruises forming on both forearms and i have difficulty putting weight on my right ankle. my body hurts, but i'm still giggling about last night. this blog entry just doesn't do it justice. yesterday was one of the best days i've had for a long, long time and i'm still basking in that happiness. and even though i know it won't be like my first time, i can't wait to see these guys play again.

the book i am...

interesting...

You're Mrs. Dalloway!

by Virginia Woolf

Your life seems utterly bland and normal to the casual observer, but
inside you are churning with a million tensions and worries. The company you surround
yourself with may be shallow, but their effects upon your reality are tremendously deep.
To stay above water, you must try to act like nothing's wrong, but you know that the
truth is catching up with you. You're not crazy, you're just a little unwell. But no
doctor can help you now.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

job offer

when jeromy and i were discussing my leaving rci and working at ha!, he gave me this speech about how one thing leads to another and who knows where working at ha! would lead me. i know he felt bad about telling me i was losing my job, but i also kind of do believe it. i really do believe everything happens for a reason.

and now as my time at ha! comes to a close, i was beginning to think that my working there was just a waste of time. that nothing has come out of it besides making my resume look a little more interesting...then glenn walked in to ha! today. he rented the sound equipment and did the sound and lighting design for don't quit. he and i got along quite well during the limited contact we had.

well, he offered me a job today in his office. he said it could be part time and we didn't really discuss the specifics because my boss walked up. but the draw back i'd have to travel somewhere on long island. he and i exchanged numbers and the more i think about it, the more i think i should call him. i initially was just going to pass it off, but it could lead to something. and it is money. it would just have to be enough money to make my traveling on the lirr worth it. regardless, i should call him and get more info...

so should i call him tomorrow or should i wait a day and call him wednesday?

who would have thought the theater girl who has never run a light board could end up working in a light/sound design/rental office???

dead head

it's been quite a while since i've remembered a dream of mine...until last night. and last night's was crazy.

the first part of my dream that i remember is that there were a whole bunch of us in some institutional type building, like a high school or something. it was a hostage situation and we were all in different rooms, with a gun man walking the halls and checking in on us. we had all been given tasks to do and everyone was doing them except this one guy, who i think had just given up and he was being very loud about not doing what he was told. the gunman shot at him, but didn't hit him. i don't know why he didn't kill him.

in his rage the gunman came over to my room and started yelling at me. i got down on the floor with my hands over the back of my head. i was laying face down. then i heard and felt him shoot me. things got black and kind of fuzzy, but i knew he shot me and that i was dead. then i began to question whether or not i was dead because i was still conscious. i got up and it took me a while to figure out to see. i started to panic because i thought that i must definitely be alive and just brain damaged. but after a while i figured out how i could see. then i touched my forehead and felt the exit wound. i was dead. and a ghost. but i could still feel pain. i was conscious of the pain in my head throughout the entire dream.

this is where the rest of the dream gets choppy...i went out to find my friends so they could help me figure out why i was still around. of the people i spoke with, only one i recognized from real life, and that was bob. some of them could see me and some of them couldn't. sometimes people who didn't even know me could see me and interact with me, some without realizing that i was a ghost. at one point during the dream i was at a parking garage in the east village trying to convince the guy to let me park my car there because i had a regular spot that had expired. we argued for a while and then i walked away and bob handled it. then the guy asked bob if i was alright because i had a bit of blood on my forehead. that was when it dawned on me that my head wound that i always felt might be visible to everyone. it was, but i guess just in different degrees. bob said he saw the whole extent of it. and when i put my hands up to touch it, it was there as if it were a fresh wound. but others only saw aspects of it. i remember wishing multiple times in the dream that i had died some other way and that my wound wasn't always visible and the pain it caused as constant.

we were trying to figure out why i was sticking around, why i hadn't passed on to where ever. one theory was due to the violence of my death and another was that i had unfinished business. but when thinking about that, i had no idea what that business could be. the search took us to some older man. i was hoping that he didn't see me and for a while he was acting like he didn't. he invited my friends in for some food in his little back yard garden. i was hanging off to the side until he looked right at me and offered me a seat near him. i was shocked.

and that's all i remember of my dream. crazy, right? anyone have any insight? i tried looking up some of the stuff online, but i'm not finding a lot.

mike the shredder

so friday i was out, having lunch with a friend and planning on running errands when i got a call asking me to come in to work. i did't want to go in, but i like the guy and i felt bad that he's violently ill. problem is...i have plans that night and have just purchased a shredder in yet another attempt to declutter and organize my life.

i had no choice but to lug it with me all night. by the end of the night, he was now called mike.
many thanks to ted and jarred for helping me out with mike through out the evening (and to courtney for being man enough to hold the door for me :wink:)

in mike's first night in my care he got to hang out at a comedy club, see the new harry potter movie, run around williamsburg, and do whiskey shots at barcade. not bad.

everyone...meet mike...

ukulele and existential detectives

i got my ukulele! yay! it's so much fun (probably less fun for my neighbors, though). but now i have a dilemma...i've been teaching myself songs and chords and it's going well, but now i have a deadline. a comic has made a sort of wager with me. if i can learn to play stairway to heaven on the uke, he'll give me a very special david bowie t-shirt. so i'm looking for someone to tutor me to expedite the process. know of anyone?

and don't fall asleep watching i heart huckabees...it can give you really fucked up dreams.

do over

i sometimes feel that my life, as i'm living it now, is just a sort of test run. that one day i'm going to wake up in my bed in bahrain, 15 again, like this was all a dream, but a little wiser. i would know what to really focus on, what choices to make, and what to let slide.

i realize that if my life were a movie or a novel and this were to happen, that the course of my life could be significantly altered. i do believe that there are certain places you are meant to be, things you are meant to do, and people who you are meant to have in your life, so although my life path may be altered, i would still be hitting those marks and meeting those people. but who knows, maybe very little would change...maybe after a time, my wisdom would fade and i'd end up doing the same damn things i've already done.

still, i'd like to try it and see what happens.

my inner muse

Your Inner Muse is Euterpe

You are most like this muse of music. While you may or may not be musical... You love music and set life to your own personal soundrack. And you are good at making anyone's heart sing!

What Muse Are You?

tonight

i got soaked with a supersoaker while dancing on a bar

and

the answer to the question "so tell me something about you that i can't tell from looking at you..." isn't "what's my favorite movie?"

ugh, jersey boys...