blinding...

some days i really understand where medea was coming from.

resurrection

nelson mandela said "there is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways that you yourself have altered."

i revisited this blog while i was reminissing with a new friend. i've had various stops and starts trying to regain the blogging momentum i once had in various locations and forms. when i blogged regularly, i feel like i kept more in touch with the amusement and wonderment i felt on a daily basis. i want to regain that. i want to take the time, again, to focus on that.

i've recently gone (and am still navigating) through a time of great pain and loss. what better time to rediscover myself in a place that has remained unchanged for three years?

mini vacay

wednesday night, i left the city for the first time in nearly a year. and where did i go? exotic wayne, nj.

highlights of the adventure included walking down the side of the highway with seth from the willowbrook mall to a ramada we had a vague idea of the directions to and passing a billboard about spaggetti trees. actors obsessed with guitar hero. actually enjoying flight of the conchords with seth, rather than just emailing him the music videos. helping load in and out of a theater. and watching a children's theater show i actually liked.

i was invited to ride along in the van to their next stop in connecticut. so i did, and was initiated into the company through mind and word games. that was probably the best van ride through a snow storm ever...it was even punctuated with chunks of ice and snow falling off the roof of the van and smashing on the hood of the vehicle, scaring the shit out of us. fun, fun. i was told that i fit in like i had been part of the company since the beginning of the tour. that's pretty awesome.

so what do i do when i actually have time off and a place outside of nyc to go? more theater. :)

in my dreams...

i had a weird dream this morning in between the first time i woke up and now. i dreamt that i was on tour with dai and we went in to this supermarket. it's was an interesting space, completely underground in an older building and had lots of big, spacious rooms. at some point i realized they left me behind and i tried to catch up with them, but came to this room that was flooded. i think i was barefoot because i didn't want to walk through the water so i got in this shopping cart and used it almost as a raft. then this guy who worked in the store (complete with the white butchers coat and everything) tried to help me get out, but as we got to the main entrance this huge crowd of celebrities were coming down. it seemed totally reasonable that they'd be having some big party in the grocery store. all i could do was stand to the side, wrapped in a blanket and watch the people go by. i saw drew barrymore, julianne moore, and lucy liu. and while i was standing there waiting, all i could think about was where i could leave postcards for my show so that someone would see them.

i think i need a break or a weekend or something. a day off would be nice.

history in the making...

you know what it's like when you have so much to say but can't articulate it? that's how i feel right now. so much has gone on in the last few days, but i can't seem to express it in any cohesive way. and i'm honestly so tired that i'm not sure if any of this will make sense.

i've survived tech week and my show has it's first preview tomorrow. i'm sleep deprived, sick, and excited. and not just about my show.

local 1, the stage hands union and the largest and most powerful union in the industry, went on strike two days ago. it doesn't effect my show, so to speak, because i'm working on an off-broadway show and our stage hands are in a different union. i find this all thrilling and so important. and i've tried discussing these events with a few friends who are in the industry (but more off-off broadway) and their lack of knowledge and interest is upsetting.

these events impact theater at all levels, locally and internationally. and the longer the strike goes on, the greater the impact on off-and off-off broadway. the effects were already seen the first day of the strike. forbidden broadway, the show i'm sharing a venue with, has not sold tickets to the balcony in quite a while. they usually have just enough for the orchestra. both of their shows sold out yesterday.

the strike has been a constant topic of conversation for my coworkers and i. my boss seems to think that if they can't resolve it by tuesday (in order to save the two shows on wednesday), or if they can't resolve it by friday (in order to save the weekend shows), it could go on for quite a while. there's so much money on either side in strike funds that it is totally a possibility that broadway could be dark until the holiday season. if the strike lasted until thanksgiving, it would mean tremendous things for my show!

with all this excitement going on, i wanted to write an informative blog about the strike and the two sides and my take on all of it. i even talked to a few picketers and took their flyers. but then as i was talking to more and more friends of mine, i was struck by their lack of knowledge or care about the topic. granted, knowing this stuff is a bit more my job now than it was when i had a day job that wasn't theater, but i don't think i was completely uninformed. how can you expect to succeed in this (or any) business if you know nothing about it???

some may find it odd that these recent events excite me so much. besides the idea that i'm living through history, i also have begun to feel like part of a bigger whole (and it's been a long time since i've felt that way). i am part of this industry. i have an effect. so does my show. i wanted to be an actress so that i could inspire someone like i was inspired. and although i'm not on stage right now, i'm still able to do that. i am part of the industry that makes people's dreams reality. i don't know how i landed here, but i know i want to stay.

the show must go on

tomorrow i start my new company management job for dai. i am both excited and terrified. my boss has yet to provide me with a show schedule, so i decided to look it up on the website and was a little shocked.

i knew i would probably not be able to go home to bahrain for christmas because of the show schedule. i accepted that. this year will be the first christmas i spend in america since 1982. i figured that even though i wouldn't be able to get time off to go back, i'd at least get the day off. nope. i don't care about having to work on thanksgiving because, oddly enough, the holiday hasn't meant that much to me since i was in college and would organize the dinners for the students who couldn't go home for the holidays.

but christmas is different. according to my schedule, we have at least one show a day from december 21st to january 8th. 19 days straight without a day off. i've done that before, too, for both nymf and don't quit, but that wasn't over the holidays.

yep, i asked for this...the shitty schedule, the crazy hours, the egos...the job in professional theater...i know i'll love it once i get started, but this is just a bummer.

i did it!

on october 5th it was a year since i left corcoran. the first week of november will be a year since i left corporate america to pursue a full-time career in theater.

and today i succeeded in doing what i set out to do. yes, i've been making money from theater for a while now, but either the money was terrible or they've been piece-meal jobs or doing things i didn't really want to do.

today i was hired as company manager for a show called dai (enough). it's a thought provoking, political piece of theater with a message (not just crappy commercial fluff). and although it's just a limited run until march, the money is decent.

the job was pretty much handed to me. bess, a company manager i worked with at rci, has been working with the producer and when he was looking for someone, she suggested me...and only me. she called me for my resume and basically he had already decided to hire me before he sat down to our sushi lunch today. that's right, he bought me sushi at a swanky restaurant. :)

i am both elated and terrified. i'm scared i'll be in over my head. but no way to know except take the plunge.

taking that first step was so hard for me before, but i've achieved my goal in 11 months.